


To Love One's Self

by toomanyteabags



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, Catra (She-Ra)-centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Love, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:54:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25102750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toomanyteabags/pseuds/toomanyteabags
Summary: Of course every hero has a happy ending... so where does that leave the villain? Better yet, what happens when the villain isn't evil enough to be bad, but not heroic enough to be good? Catra left the Horde for Adora, not for herself. Everything she did was out of love for Adora... so where does that leave Catra? She's left with nightmares, whispers, and self hatred as everyone celebrates the end of a war that Catra helped start. This is Catra's journey of learning to love not just Adora, but to love and forgive herself. There's just one problem... how does one do that exactly?
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora & Horde Prime (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Catra & Horde Prime (She-Ra)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	1. Where It Began

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Shadowed Heir](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24693976) by [toomanyteabags](https://archiveofourown.org/users/toomanyteabags/pseuds/toomanyteabags). 



> This is inspired by a catradora one shot I did called "Why Do You Love Me" and is loosely made to be a prequel to another story I'm writing, The Shadowed Heir (which takes place about seventeen years later with Finn, Catra and Adora's kid). You don't have to read it to understand what's happening, but there will be a lot of easter eggs and hints explaining why things in TSH are the way they are. More than that, I wanted to see Catra try to be a better person for no one but herself, and to explore a lot of the fallout she'd have from almost destroying Etheria multiple times.
> 
> (Also!! Before you comment "uhhh chapter 1 isn't ur story," I know!! I rewrote Save the Cat, season 5 episode 5, from Catra's perspective. Catra is going to be dealing with a lot of issues stemming from Prime and I needed the reader to experience that from her perspective. I blended canon with fanfic, woohoo! Starting with chp2 it will time skip and y'all will get your future catradora content, I promise. All good? Great, let's get into the story!)

A bubbling green pool sat amidst the dark shadows of Horde Prime’s ship. Figures stood chanting softly in the hazy glow, their faces hidden by deathly white hoods. They stood too stiff, too still- as if they were animated corpses. As if this whole ship was a graveyard.

“Come, little sister.” A voice drawled from the mist, but its speaker was obscured. 

Across from the green pool was movement, followed by hissing and growls were heard in the dark room. Two pale figures wrestled a third one into the light, her dark suit almost blending into the shadows.

The third figure was putting up a good fight, but was outnumbered. Her guards managed to land a few hits that eventually sent her crumpling to the floor. She sunk to her knees, hands bound behind her back. Between her and the voice lay the vast bubbling pool.

"Ah, look what the cat dragged in. Catra, how kind of you to drop by," the voice laughed at its bad wordplay, savoring the way Catra's ears twitched with annoyance.

Catra looked up, mismatched eyes narrowed to slits and ears angled downwards. The very picture of defiance, the only signs of fear were the almost imperceptible scent in the air and the way her tail was curled in a tight arc. 

“You’ve lost, Horde Prime,” Catra pulled her lips back in a snarl. “Glimmer escaped, which means Adora won’t come here. She is _gone,_ and you’ll never lay a finger on her. Ever.”

“Oh really?” The voice, Horde Prime's, sounded amused, as if someone had just told a joke. 

A rustling noise was heard from the fog, and a silhouette could be made out. A tall figure strode out of it, calmly, and walked around the pool to face Catra. His face was a mask of controlled serenity, his neon eyes blinking out of sync. 

He walked until he was right in front of Catra, then bent down so he was eye level with her. 

“And what if I were to tell you that Adora is on her way right now, little sister?” Horde Prime purred, tapping a cold finger on Catra’s cheek.

Catra felt as if all the air had been sucked out of her lungs in an instant. Dread settled around her neck, threatening to choke her. 

“Y-you’re lying,” She spat, hoping it was true. Maybe Prime just wanted a rise from her.

He looked at her, almost pitying. “Clone A324, what time will She-Ra’s ship arrive?”

“The spaceship containing She-Ra will arrive in approximately twenty minutes,” the clone nearest the door answered at once.

“I- I told her not to come back,” Catra said in a stunned whisper, mostly talking to herself. 

"Yet you cannot deny what you long for. Don't try and pretend you don't care about her. I see all, including what lies in your heart." Horde Prime hissed softly, as if the very thought repulsed him.

_That idiot. She shouldn’t come back for me. I can’t be saved, not by her or anyone else. Why would she risk it? She’s too important. I told her not to come back. I told her to stay away._

_Adora… why didn’t you listen?_

“Mhm, yes. You underestimated her. We all did,” Prime said, standing up and towering over her.

Catra felt herself sway, dizzy and sick, in Prime’s shadow. She forced herself to straighten up and squared her shoulders. She would not let Prime see her break.

“It doesn’t matter,” Catra snapped, not sure who she was angry at. Was she angry at Adora, for not listening? Angry at Prime, for keeping her prisoner in this stupid ship? Or angry at herself, for the little scrap of hope blossoming in her chest… “It doesn’t matter if she’s coming back. I’ll make sure she stays away for good this time.”

“You think after your little adventure with Glimmer that I still give you orders? NO!” Prime said, his fists clenched. Around him, the clones began to murmur to one another angrily. “You will be seeing Adora, but first we must make sure you’re obedient. That there is no chance for your loyalty to be questioned, little sister. And to do that,” Prime’s hand snaked towards Catra’s hair, twisting it painfully between his fingers. “To do that, we must be willing to cut away our past.”

Prime looked up at two clones and snapped his fingers. Instantly, they sprang to action. They pulled Catra to her feet, brandishing pairs of scissors. 

To her credit, Catra tried to fight. But she was exhausted from lack of sleep and food, worn too thin from weeks of pressure that had built up on her shoulders. She scratched the clones with her clawed feet, kicking and biting like a cornered animal. Two more clones joined, each grabbing a leg. With one clone supporting her back and another tying a tidy gag, she was efficiently immobilized. 

Catra glared at Prime, still trying in vain to struggle away. Her blazing eyes were so full of pent up rage that even the mighty Prime was, for a brief second, afraid. Then the moment subsided and Catra slumped down, surrendering to whatever was about to befall her. 

With methodical snips, tufts of brown hair wafted to the ground. They steadily grew into a pile as Catra’s hair was cut, stolen from her. The entire time, she shed no tears. Just stared at Prime, making direct eye contact with him as if silently challenging him. 

When at last the clones stepped back, covered in hair and scratches, Catra was dropped to the ground. 

She looked up at Horde Prime, still bound and gagged, her hair now cropped short and falling into her face.

“Ship arriving in ten minutes.” A clone chirped, holding a neatly folded pile of white cloth. The clone set the cloth down on the floor, and Catra saw they were clothes. Did Prime expect her to switch up her wardrobe? That seemed uncharacteristic...

Horde Prime lifted Catra up by the front of her uniform with one hand, far too easily, and held her as if she weighed no more than a doll. That’s all she was to him anyways, just another toy he would use until she broke. Her feet dangled above the ground.

With his other hand, Prime tore off her gag. Catra instantly spat in his face, taking satisfaction in his eyes screwing shut with surprise and disgust. 

“Congrats, you’ve given me a haircut and new clothes,” Catra said and hoped she sounded intimidating. She needed to be strong, needed to figure out a way to keep Adora safe. That was all that mattered. It didn’t matter if she, Catra, died. She’d already bartered her life away, and she’d do it again in a heartbeat. “What’s your plan now, genius? To fight Adora? You’ll never beat her.”

Prime wiped his face slowly. “I know I won’t beat her. _You_ are going to be the one fighting Adora. It will weaken her defenses, make it hard for her to play at full strength. Or,” Prime shrugged, “Perhaps she will kill you. Either way it will be of no great loss to me, little sister.”

Catra felt something in her solidify, a desire turned to a promise. “I spent too long fighting her, I’m not doing it anymore. Kill me yourself if you want, but I will never hurt her again.”

To Catra’s bewilderment, Prime actually smiled. His shoulders shook and he threw his head back, lips curling in a sneer.

“Ah, I’d forgotten how funny small lifeforms can be. Since when were you in control?”

“What are you talking about?” Catra demanded, skin prickling with apprehension. 

Not answering, Horde Prime stepped back and extended his arm to the toxic green pool sitting in the center of the floor. 

So his plan was to dunk her in it? Catra’s chest grew tight. She hated water, but it was manageable. She’d been through worse. To her dawning horror, however, this was not what Prime was intending.

Catra’s two clone guards picked her up, one on each side, and began dragging her to the pool.

“Your kiddie pond doesn’t scare me,” Catra said as her escorts neared the edge of it.

“Perhaps not,” Prime agreed. “But it should.”

With an unceremonious splash, Catra was hurled into the hot green water. She felt herself sinking to the bottom, arms still bound. Her breath bubbled, lungs longing for air. 

Something grabbed her, but she couldn’t see what it was. Even if she wanted to open her eyes, the water was too murky to make anything out. 

A piercing pain struck the back of her neck, like something had torn her skin open. Catra bit back a scream, teeth gritted. She wouldn’t give Prime the joy of getting to see her weakness.

Catra felt something being stuck on her neck, needles poked through her skin and something metal clamped her waist down. 

_Is this really how I’ll die? Please no, not like this. There so much I need to do, words I need to say,_ Catra thought desperately, thinking of Adora racing to where she was now. Would Adora find her body, if she survived Prime at all? Would she cry, seeing her childhood friend no longer alive? Or would she simply chalk it up to yet another casualty of the war? Something that was sad but unavoidable, a price worth paying for the greater good.

Well, Catra was never going to find out. She felt her consciousness start to ebb, fear and guilt giving way to a comforting darkness. Her short, miserable life was finally over, her problems dissolving into the green water.

Managing a small smile, Catra pictured Adora’s face one last time. Brilliant blue eyes, blonde hair pulled back in a neat ponytail. Adora, teasing Catra as the two prepared for daily training. Adora, smiling at Catra as they whispered back and forth in the dead of night. Adora, holding a sword and begging Catra to come with her. Adora, who was never going to love Catra the way Catra loved her. 

Catra held onto the mental picture of Adora’s face as everything faded, her aching body and bursting head no longer her responsibility. Catra could be at peace now, no longer at war with herself.

But then she became aware of a presence in her mind, something that did not fit with the stifling darkness of death. A voice, a command, a collective.

 _Hello, little sister._ The voice whispered, and Catra felt her body coming out of the water. Was she being lifted? No, she was walking herself out of the water. But something felt wrong, it was someone else moving her body.

Like a puppet on strings, Catra stumbled out of the water and gasped for air. She stood, arms unbound and wet hair slicked back, in a now empty room. Horde Prime and the clones were gone. All that remained were her two former guards.

Catra could hear them in her mind, clamoring in perfect unison. Every thought was one, every action perfectly timed. It was as if she was everywhere and nowhere on the ship. Catra was walking down a hallway, fixing a broken pipe, writing a status report. 

Catra was no longer a person, just a disembodied consciousness. Prime's ship had shifted to a greyish landscape. She tried to sort through the overlapping chatter, the overwhelming hive mind of the Horde. Where was her body?

_Come to my throne._

The command was spoken in her mind, body immediately obeying. 

_There._ Catra tried to focus on that body, her body, that was now quickly changing into a white uniform and casting away the old black one without question. The body that was now striding down a deserted corridor with a clear purpose. Get to Prime’s throne.

 _Why am I doing this? And why can’t I stop?_ Catra’s thoughts were blurry, dim, and not strong enough to be clearly heard above the static of Prime. 

It was as if she was still underwater, still drowning in the green pool. Catra felt her body enter a room, it was bright and full of empty space.

Mindlessly, she walked across a narrow bridge leading to a suspended platform. Catra was not afraid she would fall. She had nothing to fear now that she was in the Light.

Wait, that wasn’t right. She did have one fear, a fear someone was going to be hurt. A faint memory flickered, fighting its way to the surface. A person, someone Catra needed to protect.

“Adora!” Catra choked out. For a fraction of a second, she almost had control. She was terrified, she had almost forgotten everything. Almost forgotten Adora… but already she was slipping away again. 

“Come here, child.” Catra felt the will of Horde Prime draining into her body and mind again like a poison. Her body stiffened, straightened, and she felt herself walk forwards towards His throne.

Her arms reached upwards, pulling down her hood. Catra tried to stop herself, but she could barely remember her name. Who was she again? The only name in her mind was Adora. But no, that wasn’t right. Was it? 

_It doesn’t matter who you are. All are equal in the light of Horde Prime._

Of course. Catra was a loyal servant to Him, that’s who mattered. She stepped closer to the Light, closer to Horde Prime. 

Someone stood next to him, someone who was pale and terrified. A new clone? Catra didn’t recognize the newcomer, who wore a red jacket so unlike the clean white Horde uniforms.

 _Speak. Greet the newcomer with the name Adora._ Prime whispered in Catra’s head.

“Hello, Adora,” Catra said with mechanical smile. Why was that name so familiar? The stranger was scared. That was okay, she would soon come to understand. When she joined the Light of Horde Prime.

“What did you do to her?” The stranger screamed, lunging forward towards Catra.

Catra briefly wondered who the stranger was talking to. Someone caught the stranger, but Catra didn’t know if it was her body or someone else’s. It was hard to tell, everyone was joined in the collective. Near impossible to figure out where one clone began and another ended.

_Walk forward._

Catra felt a body (was it hers? Nothing was hers anymore) walk to the foot of Horde Prime’s throne and kneel at His feet. She basked in the glow of his light, felt his approval washing over her.

 _This is all I want,_ Catra thought. She was vaguely aware of Prime talking, felt his hand helping her up. It was all distant now. Everything would be alright.

“Isn’t that right, little sister?” Catra was now aware of Prime speaking aloud, and felt him continue speaking silently in her mind. “Everything is alright now.”

The stranger yelled something, but it was tinny and far away. Something about fighting? Fighting what? Catra was at peace. Catra was happy.

“My place is with Horde Prime, Adora,” Catra felt herself say, felt her lips move and tail flick. Was the stranger Adora? Time was moving like water, washing over her, she couldn’t tell. But something nagged her, something about Adora. Catra’s last remaining free thoughts were screaming she was important. But the thoughts of the Horde screamed louder, drowning Catra out. “I don’t want to leave,” Catra said. Was that right? Where was she leaving? Where was she? Her memories were integrated with the other clones, indistinguishable. Like trying to find a single drop in an ocean, Catra was lost.

 _Repeat after me._ Prime’e voice commanded her. She felt herself sway, moving forward towards the stranger.

“Prime has given me peace,” Catra said. Peace from what? What was she before a loyal servant of Prime? Catra couldn’t remember. She continued: “... something you could never do. You broke my heart,” Catra felt her hand being pulled towards the stranger’s cheek. What had the stranger done? The stranger called Adora. Catra felt her heart beat a little faster. 

Prime hadn’t willed her body to move like that. What was happening? Her heartbeat was moving from her emotions? Catra wasn’t supposed to feel emotions, only the controlled joy of Prime’s Light. So then what was this burning in her chest?

 _Little sister._ Prime sounded angry. Catra scrambled to repeat the words he put in her mouth.

“But he has made it whole again. Don’t you see? This is for the best. I’m happy here. You could be happy too.” Catra said, and felt Prime willing her hand to move to the stranger’s shoulder. Catra’s lips being pulled in a twisted smile. She was happy. She knew nothing of who she was or what she had done. It didn’t matter, nothing mattered except Horde Prime. So then why did the name Adora cause Catra to feel discontent?

The stranger was crying now. Catra felt as if she should wipe the tears off, but was powerless to move. Why was the stranger sad? She was about to join Catra in the Light of Horde Prime.

“Let her go,” the stranger growled, blonde ponytail swinging. The sight of it caused Catra to think, for a second, without Prime’s influence. The ponytail, she knew that ponytail. Before she was Prime’s servant, what-

Prime was back in Catra’s head. _Quiet, little sister. Don’t meddle with things that don’t concern you._

A hand gripped the back of her neck, pinching. Catra’s body tensed without waiting for Prime’s permission. Something had grabbed her neck not too long ago, what was it? When was it? Catra was floating away, fishing for memories she could never hope to regain.

The stranger and Prime were arguing now, trying to each get what they wanted. Catra felt Prime’s anger growing, his impatience. He wanted something, wanted it badly. The stranger was shaking her head, refusing. Prime snapped his fingers, commanding something. Catra felt troops of clones moving, hearing their whispered thoughts in the back of her mind. Other strangers were on board… how unusual. Catra wondered who they were.

“You miscalculated, I see all.” Prime hissed, crunching the stranger’s communication device under his boot.

Catra wondered what the stranger had miscalculated. Hadn’t there been someone who was headed towards this ship? They had been important… was it this stranger?

“I. Know. All. You thought yourself worthy to challenge me. But you are nothing but a false hero. The last of the First Ones to fall at my hands. You have led your friends to destruction.” Prime continued.

He squeezed the back of Catra’s neck, Catra heard herself gasping for air. Why was he punishing her? What had she done? She was a loyal follower of the Light, devoted to Prime. There was no reason to punish her unless she was somehow connected to the stranger, the one Prime kept calling Adora…

 _Adora._ Catra threw off Prime’s control for a moment, suddenly aware of what was happening. Her head was empty of everything save her own thoughts. Adora, Adora had come to save her? Why? Her lungs ached, were was she and what the hell was she wearing? 

Catra made eye contact with Adora for a split second, heart leaping with bittersweet joy and sheer terror for both of them. In all the years spent fighting with and against Adora, Catra had never seen her look so afraid. 

_There is no need to be afraid._ The voice was back, snaking into Catra’s body and thoughts. She felt herself retreating, her consciousness taking a back seat. No, she had to fight it. But the iron fist of Prime was quite literally around Catra, choking her. 

Catra missed the words exchanged between Prime and Adora as she was welcomed back into the Light. She felt the buzzing of clones again, the sickly sweet joy that pinched and shaped her mouth into something that resembled a smile.

Dimly aware of Prime leaving, Catra wanted him to stay. To not leave her with this person in a red jacket and worried expression. 

_Fight her. Welcome her to the Light._ Prime commanded from inside Catra’s mind.

Catra’s body tensed as she felt herself fighting the stranger, her claws out and fists swinging. The stranger was undeniably a good fighter. Catra felt her stomach get kicked, but it was okay. The voice of Prime was with her, reassuring her that she was expendable. Telling her to not hold back.

 _Why am I hurting you?_ Catra wondered as she lunged at the stranger. _Why are you familiar? Can you tell me who I am?_

“Catra, listen to me. I know you’re still in there. I’m not leaving without you.” The stranger sounded panicked and sad as she held Catra down. 

_Catra…_ yes, that had been her name. The stranger’s voice, Adora’s voice, it had spoken to Catra before. Catra went limp for a second, mind swarming with questions as she tried to process everything.

“It’s going to be okay.” The stranger said, relaxing her grip on Catra.

 _Everything will be okay._ Prime’s voice reminded Catra.

Catra felt her body being given more of Prime's attention, felt her body grow stronger and twist away from her opponent. She slashed upwards, coming to hold her enemy against her body.

Catra felt a heat in her cheeks, not sure where it came from. Prime hadn’t caused it. Yet something broke in Catra, and the voices in her head quieted. 

_FINISH HER._

“Everything is already okay. We are with Prime now. There is no need for you to suffer, Adora.” Catra stroked Adora’s cheek as she said this. Not because Prime had ordered it, but because she wanted to. Without knowing why, Catra knew she wanted to reassure this Adora, make sure she was safe. And everyone was safe in the Light of Prime. “Come into the Light with me.”

Adora flipped Catra over her shoulder, sending her hurtling onto the floor. Catra’s neck collided with the metal steps in front of Prime’s throne, felt her neck get shocked with electricity and cried out in pain. 

Catra felt Prime’s amusement inside her, laughing as he watched the fight. She felt herself laughing too, his cruel humor twisting like a knife inside her.

“Snap out of it, Catra. I don’t want to hurt you.” Adora said, and seemed to mean it.

 _Lies._ Horde Prime murmured in Catra’s ear and let some memories flash back. Catra dimly remembered Adora leaving her, fighting her, hating her. 

“But you have already hurt me. Prime has set me free of that pain.” Catra’s mind fought to remember more. Why did she care about Adora if it was only caused by pain? Could there be more Prime wasn’t telling her? Prime was forcing Catra to rise now, to begin ascending the steps to his throne. Forcing her to speak. “The pain that you caused. He will set us all free. Forever. A world of peace without end.”

Catra registered Adora’s hurt face before jumping at her, every cell in her body beyond her control. The two wrestled, throwing punches and exchanging blows. Catra leapt towards the edge of the platform, feeling nothing but mild discomfort and toxic joy.

“Catra!” Adora yelled, reaching out to try and grab Catra.

Why was Adora so afraid? Catra had nothing to fear, she was safe in the Light of Prime. She was expendable, a loyal servant. She was no one.

 _Throw yourself over the edge,_ Prime said in her mind. He was laughing again, delighted at how this was playing out.

A flicker of fear drove its way into Catra, separating her from her master as her body automatically began leaning back-

Strong hands gripped her arms. Adora had taken her, saved her from following Prime’s command. Now she pulled Catra close to her, enclosing Catra in her arms. It felt safe in a way Catra wasn’t used to. It was warm and gentle, so unlike the cold sterile safety of Prime’s Light.

 _Stay, stay with me, Adora. I’m sorry._ Catra thought to herself, not to Horde Prime. _I’m sorry for all of this._

Adora let out a sound of pain, and Catra realized her claws were digging into Adora’s back. Why was she doing this? How could she stop it? She had never hurt Adora before. She had only ever tried to hurt She-Ra, always trusting that nothing could really hurt her. She-Ra was untouchable. Adora was not.

“Oh Adora, how long will you drag this out? You will destroy the ones you love in the process.” Was that Catra speaking? Prime's presence in her mind made everything else feel far away, too far for Catra to reach.

 _Stop._ Catra silently begged as Prime- no, as Catra- kicked Adora away.

 _Dearest little sister, you always were so hard to tame._ Prime replied. _But now it’s time to end this. Let her go._

Adora was dangling over the edge of the platform, suspended above an empty fall, held up only by Catra and Prime’s combined form.

Catra’s muscles were screaming to let go, the clones in her head excited for another glorious death in the name of Horde Prime. But Catra was done playing Prime’s game. She refused to let go, to obey his will. She still wasn’t quite sure who this Adora was but if she let go now, she’d never find out.

“She was afraid in the end. And she suffered. Perhaps I will make her my new vessel. Though, she would not last me long. What do you think, Adora?” Prime, and Catra, said smugly. Prime was toying with them both, Catra’s thoughts were growing clearer as he grew more confident in winning.

With an enraged yell, Adora pushed Catra and slammed her against a display table. Again, a burning sensation on the back of Catra’s neck, and the voice of Prime almost disappeared. He was still laughing, Catra could feel he was unfazed as he left her head briefly. Catra returned to her body, abruptly, feeling exhaustion and pain enter her battered body.

Adora was here, Adora was holding her steady (which was good, Catra didn’t know if she could stand by herself right now). Adora had come back. 

The hive mind of the Horde was glitching, something had happened to disturb it. It jumped in and out of Catra as her body twitched, chaos ensnaring Prime’s ship. The lights went out, was that Adora's doing? 

“I am not giving up on you, Catra.” Adora's face was close to Catra's, and Catra wished she could say what she wanted to. It was three words, only three words, that she needed to say. 

_Imbeciles. I should have done this task myself._ Prime roared in Catra’s head, he was back and he was angry. She shrunk, how many times today would she wish for death?

“Then you are a fool. You cannot stop Horde Prime, he will reign triumphant over all the universe. It is destiny,” Catra was aware of Prime’s grip on her fading, he was starting to get desperate. 

An overload of his willpower surged in her, Catra arched her back with pain as green energy crackled around her. 

“No!” Adora yelled, pulling Catra away and holding tight. As if by holding Catra hard enough, Adora could push Prime out of her head. 

The panels lining the wall exploded, oversurged with electricity. Who could possibly be causing this much damage? Adora flung herself and Catra to the ground, rolling away from the blast. Catra lay on the ground, breathing hard, listening to Prime's frantic commands as he tried to reestablish order. Troops were being sent out, weapons made ready. In all the confusion he had forgotten about Catra. Was this her chance to take control of herself for good?

Catra writhed with agony, neck feeling like it was on fire. She blinked, opening her eyes to see Adora’s face. The face she never thought she’d see again, the face she tried to make her dying image. Why had she come back? She shouldn’t have, now Adora was in danger and Catra’s sacrifice might have been in vain. 

Quickly, then, while she still had time. Before Prime took over her again, Catra had to keep Adora safe one last time.

Using the last of her strength, Catra’s anger and worry came boiling to the surface. “Adora, you should have stayed away. Why did you come back? We both know I don’t matter.”

“You matter to me,” Adora choked out, cupping Catra’s cheek in her palm. 

Catra felt her eyes sting with tears, the only tears she had shed during her whole time on Prime’s ship. She opened her mouth to say something, but she’d hesitated too long. Prime had remembered his little sister.

 _Come, dear one. I know a way to keep your beloved Adora safe._ Prime’s harsh voice was unfeeeling, unforgiving. _If you eliminate yourself, Adora wouldn’t have to waste time saving you._

Catra exhaled, trying to resist his control. She was so tired from fighting, so tired of trying to save people who threw themselves in danger no matter how hard Catra tried to stop them. Perhaps Prime was right. If Catra wasn’t a factor, Adora wouldn’t have to try and save her anymore. If Catra was gone, Adora would be safer.

With her last bit of free will, Catra made one last deal with Prime. Letting his strength guide her upwards, Catra felt her body move towards the edge. She surrendered to her fate, ready to leave this messy world behind. She pushed Adora away, making sure she wouldn’t try to stop her. Adora would never know Catra’s last act was to protect her, to give her time to get away. 

Electricity sparked Catra’s neck, she stumbled. If Prime’s connection was broken, she wouldn’t have the strength to stand. She kept walking, aware of Adora getting up to follow. 

“Come on, Catra. You’ve never listened to anyone in your life. Are you really going to start now?” Adora said, and Catra paused. She gripped the back of her neck, overwhelmed.

What if Catra was wrong? What if this was just another one of Prime's mind games, his attempt at manipulating Catra yet again.

Catra wished there was a different way. Catra wished she could tell Adora all the secrets she’d kept over the years, all the feelings she’d never get to express. Was she really doing the right thing, or only what Prime wanted her to do? 

“You’re such an idiot,” Catra tried to shake off Prime’s influence, to think clearly for a moment. She turned to look at Adora and couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah, I know.” Adora replied, tears in her eyes. She was good, too good, for Catra. 

Catra laughed, a real laugh, which quickly turned into the result of Prime’s cruel joke. She hugged herself, glad she at least got one last look at Adora.

 _It’s too late._ Prime thundered.

“I’m going to take you home.” Catra could barely make out Adora’s words over the rage that was being poured into her head and heart by Prime.

Catra felt tears slipping down her cheeks and glanced up at Adora. “Promise?”

Adora was crying too, her hair loose and flying around her shoulders. She reached out her hand. “I promise.”

“Adora…” _I love you._ Catra wanted to say, stretching out her hand. Before she could get the words out, Prime seized control one last time.

Catra’s mind fractured, splintering, no longer able to think or feel. If Prime's control was bad before, it was a thousand times worse now. She was numb, vaguely aware of a body that was once hers. It straightened up, cracking, as Prime made his final wish clear. Like a loyal follower of the Light, Catra had no choice but to obey.

“Disappointing. Some creatures are destined only for destruction.” Prime truly did not care, intent only on causing as much pain as possible to the one person that stood a chance of stopping him. Catra just so happened to be standing too close. 

The body that was once hers stiffened, electricity flooding in and destroying nerves. Muscles spasmed, hair stood on end. Body seizing, air frying inside lungs. Catra heard a scream, was it from her? She lost consciousness, too small to withstand such pain, and blacked out as she fell backwards over the edge of the platform. 

She heard high, manical laughing from Horde Prime.

Someone was murmuring to her too, contrasting to the unfeeling voice of Prime.

“Catra? It’s okay, I’m here.”

Catra felt her breathing slowing, blood draining. She wasn’t sure where she was, and she didn’t care anymore. She just wanted to disappear.

Someone was crying. It must be Adora. 

_I’m sorry,_ Catra thought as her body began to shut down. _I did all that I could. I hope you can forgive me._

And then there was blackness. Death had no dreams, no afterlife. Just a deep sleep that left Catra with little satisfaction. It seemed to last an eternity, with no thoughts or feelings. It was wonderful.

A shame wonderful things can’t last. Catra felt a golden glow lighting up her deathscape. What did people want now? Catra just wanted to be alone, to die in peace. Adora was fine now, Adora didn’t have to care about someone like Catra.

Catra had forgotten how stubborn Adora was. 

A tear splashed on Catra’s face, and she coughed. She felt burned, tired, hungry, and bruised. Still, she was in the true safety of Adora’s arms. How much time had passed? Minutes, hours, days? It was impossible to tell.

“Hey, Adora…” She croaked, head feeling heavy without the crushing lightness of the Horde.

Adora hugged Catra, the first time they’d properly embraced for years. Catra hesitated, a little unfamiliar, but wrapped her arms around Adora and buried her head in Adora’s shoulder. Catra shut her eyes, almost not believing it. She was safe and off Prime’s ship, and she was with Adora. 

Catra was aware Glimmer and Bow were there too, knew they were watching her hug the girl that was supposed to be her enemy. But Catra didn’t care, too caught up in the relief of simply being alive and having her own free will.

She and Adora stayed in each other’s arms, curled up on the floor, until Catra’s eyelids closed and her head fell against Adora’s chest. Later, Adora would carry her sleeping friend off to a warm bed and make sure Catra slept well, checking on her every hour and fretting to Glimmer and Bow. For now though, Adora and Catra were both content to just stay in one another’s touch and take comfort in knowing the other was still alive and that they were no longer on opposing sides. After years of fighting, the two could finally be united again.


	2. Here's the Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months have passed since the fall of Prime, and everyone is trying to figure out how to live "normally." Issues arise when the civilians of Etheria start blaming the princesses for the war, and riots break out. Trying to subdue the brewing conflict, the Princess Alliance holds a meeting to figure out a plan. And... Catra is the one that has an idea! The only problem is, will she be able to fit in with everyone long enough to see it carried out?

The bright sunlight filtering through the Bright Moon palace windows did little to ease the minds of the princesses sitting in the meeting hall. They were all clamoring, trying to shout their ideas and win support. Catra felt her head would split in two.

“We need to punch them I-”

“No, no, let’s peacefully-”

“That will never work. But maybe if I-”

“We can’t sit around and do nothing!”

“Take it easy, we just have to-”

“Take it EASY?? Nothing about this is EASY, you little-”

Adora stood in the center of it all, looking bewildered. Catra was surprised at how out of place she looked, when they were cadets in the Horde Adora never had an issue with taking charge. Now, she looked a little panicked.

Catra’s eyes narrowed with annoyance. There was no authority here, no set rules. It was a wonder they had ever defeated Horde Prime. How had they defeated Catra in those small skirmishes? They made things up as they went, had no structure! Only magic. It seemed magic compensated for authoritative weakness. But if the princesses were to hold their peace and rule, they needed to get their act together. Small riots were breaking out across the planet as chaos reigned and they needed to unite the kingdoms’ people. Which meant everyone needed to _shut up and focus._

Catra stared at Adora, willing her to do something. Adora caught her eye and stared back blankly.

Fuming, Catra pointed to Adora, then pointed to the bickering princesses. 

_Do something,_ she mouthed. 

Adora’s face lit up with understanding and Catra smiled with relief. Things would be fine now that Adora had a plan!

“Everyone! Please listen. Catra has something to say!” Announced Adora, with absurd confidence considering the situation.

All heads turned to Catra, who felt her mouth drop open. She looked at Adora, who gave her a thumbs up and encouraging grin. _That idiot._ Catra felt her stomach drop and breath fall out of rhythm. Her plan for this “peace meeting” was to be quiet and unnoticed. So far, Catra had spent the meeting in the back of the room, partially hidden by shadows, still uncomfortable in the pastel palace. It was so unlike the grubby dark metal of the Horde, or the sterile whiteness of Prime’s ship. 

_Prime’s ship… fighting Adora… cold metal hands cupping Catra’s face…_

_No. Not now, please not again._ Catra took a steadying breath and tried to push away the swarming memories. She have time for that later. Right now, she had to focus. Since no one could do it right, she would just have to do it herself. 

“Alright, listen up, princesses.” Catra forced her voice into a growl, disguising her nervousness as anger. “This isn’t a game. Your people are still hurt from Horde Prime and we need to fix that, before they revolt and turn against you.”

Catra stood, pacing around the room as years of battle strategy came flooding back to her. Catra had trained for this all her life, hadn’t she? Restoring peace and order to a broken planet. The only difference was she had somehow ended up on the wrong side. 

“We need to think this through carefully.” Catra began slowly, thinking about her next words. She'd have to be precise, to not risk destroying the feeble goodwill and trust that had taken so long to build.

Four months had passed since Horde Prime’s defeat and life had returned to what everyone now saw as “normal.” Glimmer had returned to Bright Moon to rule as Queen, with Bow by her side as High Advisor (they were keeping their relationship secret from the public for now). Micah and Castaspella, after staying in Bright Moon for a few weeks and seeing that things settled down, had gone to Mystacor to help rebuild it. All the princesses split their time between their own kingdoms and Bright Moon, which had become the headquarters of the royals. Everyone had returned to their homes, to rebuild or heal or grieve. Everyone except Scorpia and Catra. Having both grown up in the Horde, they had no kingdom to return to or responsibility placed on their shoulders. Perfuma had managed to coax Scorpia into living with her in Plumeria, which left only Catra. Since Adora was staying at Bright Moon (since Adora had her home already), Catra followed her. She wouldn’t have known what else to do anyways. And it was a nice new life, in a way. It was simple, as long as Catra tried to ignore her nightmares, tried to fit in as best she could. 

_But it was hard,_ Catra supposed, _to fit in with the people you’ve tried to kill._

Adora seemed happy, at least, living in Bright Moon. Of course she was, she was a princess in her own right too. Just like the others. Catra kept forgetting that, never quite being able to separate her former princess enemy She-Ra with her childhood friend Adora. 

And being the companion of a princess, Catra soon realized, meant a lot of public appearances. It meant standing up on the palace balcony and waving down at the crowds, it meant talking and helping and healing Etheria’s people from the horrific war that had dragged on for years. 

Glimmer's indignant voice brought Catra back out of her thoughts. “We don’t have time to think it through. We need to show people we’re strong and that it’s going to be okay _now,_ ” said Glimmer, standing in the now-pointless war room, hands spread out on the table as she crunched up her nose in determination. 

_Glimmer is a good leader,_ Catra had to admit to herself. _Whether or not her opinion is right, she believes in it firmly and is good at getting people to listen. I wonder if she gets that from her mother or her father?_

“We won’t be able to show anyone _anything_ if we sit here talking all day,” Frosta grumbled to herself, barely audible.

Beside her, Mermista nodded in agreement while propping up a sleeping Sea Hawk. They had been at it for hours and had gotten nowhere. 

Catra stood and stepped out of the shadows, tail twitching nervously and ears laid flat. “If we charge in and try to win everyone over without a plan, we risk sending the kingdoms into a civil war. People are hurt, and they’re angry at anything that moves. If we aren’t careful, they’ll turn their anger on us.”

“But we haven’t done anything! We were the ones that fought Prime,” interjected Perfuma. She sat, one hand lying on top of Scorpia’s claw, with a somber expression. Flowers were slowly growing, twining up her wrists and onto the table, as her worry grew.

“You think the people who lost family members care about that? They’ll only wonder why it took so long for us to win! I think the best thing to do is to personally go and see every kingdom. Show them that just because the Horde is gone, the Princess Alliance isn’t over. Do parades, rebuild homes- usual PR stuff. Make the civilians see you for who you are- amazing people, not just princesses with power.” Catra gestured as she said this. Perhaps if she helped guide in the new era of peace, it would help fix her past mistakes.

From across the room, Adora beamed at Catra and bounced a little in her seat, silently clapping. Catra felt herself blush.

Slowly, the other princesses turned and whispered amongst themselves before collectively turning to Glimmer for the final say.

The young queen looked hesitant, chewing on her fingernails as she thought over the proposed plan. There were a few moments of silence before she looked up from the throne and slowly nodded.

“We’ll follow your plan, under two conditions,” started Glimmer. She held up a finger. “One, we all go to each kingdom _together,_ like a tour. We’re stronger as a team. And two,” she held up a second finger, “Catra, you come with us as an honorary princess and help lead the team.”

“What? Absolutely not!” Catra squeaked angrily. “I- I can’t. I’m staying here at Bright Moon. Besides, I’m not even part of the Alliance! And I am NOT a princess!”

“Take it. Or leave it.” Shrugged Glimmer, her golden circlet shining across her forehead. “Otherwises, we’re solving the problem another way.”

_Damn that girl’s stubbornness._ Catra thought, fists clenched and sweaty. 

Catra opened her mouth to tell Glimmer off, but caught sight of Adora’s expression. She looked crestfallen, as if seeing Catra and Glimmer bicker genuinely saddened her. Adora had the same look in her eyes that she’d had when Catra had betrayed her at Princess Prom all those years ago. It felt like a lifetime ago, looking back on it now.

Forcing her ears down and her tail to stop lashing, Catra looked back at Glimmer. Her teeth were gritted as she spat out a grudging “Okay.”

There was a collective sigh of relief from the rest of the princesses as the tension in the room eased. 

“So when do we leave?” Bow asked, tactfully moving the discussion forward. He looked as if he was trying (and failing) to contain excitement at the idea of his first “adventure” in months.

“How about in a week? That way appropriate arrangements can be made,” chirped Adora. 

_Helpful as ever._ Catra thought scornfully.

Since no one disagreed, the meeting was adjourned. 

Catra stormed out of the war room without a backwards glance, running out the palace doors and into the sweet-smelling evening air. She felt her claws sink into the grass, the wind sweeping over her and brushing away the anger she held. Finding a spot by the edge of the forest, Catra sat down behind a tree, leaning against and hoping she’d bought herself some time to be alone. 

No such luck. Within minutes, Catra heard a voice calling her name. 

_Maybe if I ignore it, she’ll go away,_ thought Catra, but she already knew it wouldn’t work. 

“You can’t hide from me! Your tail was sticking out.” Adora laughed as she came over and sat beside Catra. “You’ve always sucked at hide and seek, ever since we were kids!”

Catra stuck her tongue out and pushed Adora away playfully. It felt so good, it always did, to be able to do this. Simply exist near Adora’s light, to get to smile and tease without worrying about wars or orders or missions. 

“It’s almost dinner time, y’know,” continued Adora softly, moving a little closer to Catra. Still not touching her. It was as if Adora was worried Catra would run away or break into small pieces if she got too close. Catra was worried about that too, about cracking beyond repair, but never said anything. It was too late, anyways.

“Do I have to eat in the dining hall with everyone?” Unease gripped Catra as she mumbled this. After growing up with basic food rations, the elaborate feasts and incessant etiquette of Bright Moon seemed overly pompous and unnecessary.

“It would be nice if you did. You’ve eaten with us less than a dozen times since coming here!” Adora said. “They’re your friends, Catra. You can’t keep shutting yourself up in your room and hoping we all leave you alone.”

“I’m not that hungry...” muttered Catra, not meeting Adora’s eyes. 

“That is a _lie._ I know you’ve barely eaten today! Everyone is worried about you. They all notice. You’ve barely spoken to half the princesses, and all of them have tried to include you. Ever since-” Adora hesitated, they never talked about it, the incident that Catra thought about too often but dared not speak about “-ever since _he_ died. You’ve been different.”

“Maybe you just don’t know me as well as you thought you did. Three years will do that to a person,” Catra said coldly, hunching over and drawing her knees to her chest.

Catra felt herself shudder and tried to push the images out of her mind, the memories Adora had dragged up. If she had another- another attack- Adora would think she was ridiculous and weak.

The first attack had come mere hours after Adora had brought Catra to Bright Moon, she’d been giving a tour of the palace. A servant had needed to get by, and had grabbed Catra’s wrist to pull her out of the way. Instantly, Catra had scratched the poor servant’s arm and had desperately tried to pull her arm away. Adora had gotten angry, had started screaming about “why are you acting like this?” but had stopped when Catra’s knees buckled as she sunk to the floor. Catra felt herself hyperventilating, so sure that Prime was about to touch her, felt the cold air of his ship. Catra’s wheezing had made her feel like she was drowning, which had just made it worse as she pictured the toxic green pool, the feeling of being so close to death. Adora had to pull Catra up, talking to her gently, and help her back to Catra’s room. They hadn’t finished the tour.

Since then, Catra had been cautious of all that she said and did. But she couldn’t control what other people said and did. And she couldn’t control Adora.

“I- Catra…” Adora’s voice was injured. 

Great. Catra had managed to hurt the only person she loved _again._ Would she ever fail to disappoint?

Catra looked back up into Adora’s face. Her creased forehead, her wide blue eyes. Catra felt sour guilt washing over her as she shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’ll try to be better. I will. If it means that much to you… I’ll come tonight.”

Adora’s face lightened a little, but her brow was still knitted with concern. “I can’t wait for you to try soup,” she said with a small smile.


	3. Table for... uh... Eighteen?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having finalized a plan to unite Etheria's people, the princesses have an evening of fun and feasting. Catra is nervous, but is determined to go for Adora's sake. Will the dinner prove a place to make friends, or simple serve as a reminder that Catra doesn't belong?

Catra looked back up into Adora’s face. Her creased forehead, her wide blue eyes. Catra felt sour guilt washing over her and she shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’ll try to be better. I will. If it means that much to you… I’ll come tonight.”

Adora’s face lightened a little, but her brow was still knitted with concern. “I can’t wait for you to try soup,” she said with a small smile. 

“Soup?” Catra asked, the syllables sounding stranger and foreign. What a weird “ooooh” sound! 

Adora gave a faint laugh, clearly still distressed but starting to regain her usual cheerful smile. “Yeah, it’s when you chop up vegetables and sometimes meat and put them in liquid? Wrongdak and Glimmer like making it sometimes, you eat it with a spoon.”

Catra couldn’t help but giggle, despite the tension lingering between them. “Sounds strange. Do you eat it often? Or, drink it, I guess, if it’s with a spoon?”

“As often as I can!” Adora stood and brushed stray dirt and leaves off her. She looked down at Catra, as if she wanted to say something but was holding herself back. She bit her lower lip, extended her hand, and asked in a quiet voice “Are you coming?”

Catra’s heart lodged in her throat. She knew Adora and her’s relationship was complicated, it always had been. But now even more so, it was riddled with old wounds and new feelings. Catra didn’t exactly know what Adora was to her, and was too afraid to ask. So every invitation from Adora felt like a challenge, a silent question to a problem neither of them were willing to face. 

“Of course, Adora,” Catra took Adora’s hand (was this the right thing? Catra didn’t know, so often had she made choices she thought were right only to end up wrong) and stood. Adora was a little taller than her, when had that happened? When they were kids, Catra had always been taller. Nevertheless, the two were at eye level. 

Adora broke the sudden quiet by looking away and pulling Catra towards the palace. “I promise, you’ll like the soup!”

“That’s what you said about the garlic tuna salad,” Catra muttered darkly. Her feet hit the dirt and grass as the two made their way to dinner. Catra was still frustrated and scared, but the summer evening was too precious to waste on feelings that could be dealt with later. 

Adora led Catra down twisting lilac hallways and past the huge throne room. Catra still got lost regularly, every Bright Moon corridor looked the same, but Adora knew the palace like the back of her hand.

_Of course she does, you dolt!_ Catra scolded herself. _She’s lived here for years. She had a whole other life you weren’t a part of. Or at least, not part of in the way you wanted to be._

“Hey, Adora?” Catra asked nervously. Now that they were getting closer to the dinner, Catra’s nerves were fraying. She got anxious around the princesses. They all seemed so… perfect. So noble and heroic. Catra felt like an impostor with them, an ancient relic of a war that scarred everyone. A constant reminder of pain and suffering. 

“What’s up, catbeans?” responded Adora. She’d taken to calling Catra by this, and Catra didn’t mind. It was better than “Horde Scum.” 

Catra fidgeted a little, studying their interlocked hands as they walked. “During dinner… could I, um, would it be alright if… I sit next to you?” 

Adora burst out laughing as Catra flushed with embarrassment. “It’s not funny!” She said hotly. “I’m being serious!”

Adora quieted a little, looking as if it took some effort, but was still grinning broadly. “You can be such an idiot sometimes, you know that? As if I’d ever let you sit somewhere other than right next to me.” 

“And you like that?” Catra said softly, lost in thought and worry over the upcoming dinner. “Me being an idiot?”

“I love it,” said Adora, kissing Catra’s cheek. “It means we match.”

Catra jerked upright, gestures of affection were rare between them. She had been so caught up in her mind, she hadn’t realized she’d let her guard down. Catra felt her cheeks going red, tail subtly spiking up. 

“Oh…” said Catra, dumbfounded. She was usually quick witted and had the sharpest temper in all of Bright Moon, but around Adora she always seemed lost for words. 

Adora smirked, eyebrows raised, and Catra felt her old temper flare up a little. She hip checked Adora, causing her to stumble, and smirked right back. This, it seemed, was a constant in their relationship throughout the years. Competition, trying to trip each other up- that was how they communicated. 

The hallways were getting narrower now, the wide sweeping columns replaced by the occasional door leading off to bedchambers. The official dining hall was much too large, designed for proper feasts with dozens of guests. Usually, the princesses used a spare room that had previously been a prison cell. _Shadow Weaver's prison cell,_ Catra noted with a small jolt of horror, before blocking that from her mind. Since there was no fighting or captures, it wasn’t getting much use. One day, Frosta and Sea Hawk (and a tired Mermista) had brought in a table to play cards, and from then on it had become the room everyone hung out in to eat and talk. Everyone except Catra, of course, she tried to stay in her room as much as possible. It was just down the hall from Adora’s.

“Almost there! I’m starving,” complained Adora, causing Catra to roll her eyes with exasperation.

“You’re always starving,” Catra shot back. 

“Oh, shush,” Adora laughed, hair cascading down her shoulders as she threw her head back. Catra couldn’t help but stare, still not quite used to seeing Adora this… comfortable. So content and at ease. When they were Horde cadets, Adora only took her hair down to sleep, but now she almost always wore it loose. She always looked so free. 

_Free of her past, free of Shadow Weaver._ Catra suppressed a shudder. _Free of herself._

The hallway the girls were walking down ended, abruptly, with a heavy set of doors. Catra felt her ears twitch, anxiety pricking up her spine. 

_It’s just one meal._ Catra told herself. _You can do this. You can do this. You can do-_

“Hey,” Adora seemed to sense Catra’s worry. She squeezed her hand, and the reassuring touch sent a warmth through Catra’s fingers. “It’s okay.”

“I- I know,” Catra said quietly, and forced a smile. It was one meal, how bad could it be? “I'm ready.”

Together, they opened the doors and stepped into the room. It looked as if tonight was a full house, everyone seemed to have come over. Sitting at the table were Glimmer and Bow, who looked as if they were engaged in a friendly heated debate while Huntara snickered beside them. Across the room, lounging on couches, were Mermista, Perfuma, Netossa, and Spinnerella. Sea Hawk stood on a chair in front of them, animatedly gesturing with his hands and telling a story while Frosta and Scorpia sat on the floor with wide eyes. Entrapta, Hordak, and Wrongdak were chatting in the corner, fiddling with a gadget that was emitting small puffs of smoke. Entrapta’s crew; Baker, Soda Pop, and Busgirl were setting the table and bustling around, bringing in bowls and serving glasses. 

Catra almost took a step back, slightly overwhelmed by the buzzing noise and chaos. _It’s okay._ Catra repeated Adora’s words to herself. 

Adora, who had been greeted by a roaring cheer from everyone, already looked thrilled. This was her element, these social events with friends. 

“I guess I’ll go wait in the corner or something until we eat,” mumbled Catra, already prepared to shuffle off and hide in a quiet cranny. 

“Come _on,_ Catra! Let’s have a good time for once,” begged Adora, taking Catra’s other hand and holding them up in between them. 

“Fine,” Catra snatched one of her hands back, but allowed Adora to hold onto the other one.

Adora, who noticed her small victory, looked at Catra with hopeful eyes. Catra pretended not to see, and looked away at the ground. Adora led her over the table, where Glimmer, Bow, and Huntara were. As they drew near, Catra could overhear what they were arguing about.

“No, Bow, I’m telling you, I didn’t get the gene!” Glimmer seemed exasperated, running her hands through her hair as if they’d had this conversation before.

Bow looked incredulous. “You’re kidding? Have you seen your back?”

Glimmer smacked the table, half laughing, half angry. Her hair, tousled and messed up by her fingers, was back to the loose waves she'd worn when Catra first met her. It made the young queen look even younger, as if she could still be the simple princess she'd been before she met Adora. “Those are birthmarks, not wings! It’s purely ceremonial!”

“Glimmer, you’re telling me your mom had huge translucent wings and you don’t?!” Bow held up his hands, shrugging, as if to say it wasn’t his fault she was upset. “It doesn’t make sense.”

“It was a writing oversight! My dad says the gene must’ve skipped me or something-” explained Glimmer, leaning forward as if she wanted to shake Bow’s shoulders but was only just stopping herself.

Bow was unfazed. Catra suspected he enjoyed riling Glimmer up, and he was one of the few people who could do so without fearing her revenge. “Well, you can do magic, can’t you just magic some on?” 

“That’s not how it- oh! Adora!” Glimmer looked relieved to have an interruption. Across from her, Bow turned and looked slightly disappointed. “Will you please tell Bow that I do not control genetics?”

“But with magic-” Bow started, but broke off with Glimmer’s playful shove. 

“Anyways,” Glimmer shot a look at Bow before looking back up at Adora. “We’re just about to eat, everyone was just waiting around for you!”

“Me, and a guest,” said Adora with (unnecessary) dramatic flourish. She stepped aside so Catra was no longer hiding behind her. 

“Catra!” Glimmer and Bow said in unison. Huntara gave a nod of greeting. They looked genuinely excited, but Catra couldn’t suppress the worming doubt that they were faking it. 

“I, uh, just came down to try the soup,” Catra said hastily, rubbing the back of her neck with unease. 

“Oh, it’s really good,” assured Glimmer, puffing her chest out. “Wrongdak and I made it earlier.”

Bow leaned over to Catra and whispered “After she made dumplings when we were with Darla, she never let the cooking thing go. I’m pretty sure the kitchen staff know her as ‘the cooking girl’ instead of ‘the Queen.’” 

Catra couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. Bow was perhaps the person she felt most comfortable with after Adora. He was always kind, and had a mischievous look on his face that made him chaotic but still safe. He never made Catra feel bad, or brought up anything about her past. He never asked questions, which made Catra never have to give answers. However, Glimmer was more of a mixed bag. Catra knew she was friendly, but hadn't quite forgotten the long nights they'd spent talking on Prime'e ship, separated only by a force field. She hadn't forgotten that by saving Glimmer, she'd ended up Prime's plaything. 

“We’re ready to try your soup,” said Adora, shifting her weight back and forth with anticipation. 

“Looks like you guys have been trying all kinds of things lately,” commented Huntara under her breath, surveying Catra and Adora’s still-intertwined hands. 

Adora went pink and Catra quickly moved her hand so her arms were crossed, keeping a distance from Adora. Biting back a scathing retort, Catra recalled the rumors that Adora had had a crush on Huntara. Catra didn’t care, she knew she could beat Huntara in a fight. She was pretty sure she could, at least. There wasn’t anything to be jealous of. At all.

“Ah, don’t tease them,” a new voice entered the conversation as Perfuma joined them. “Their anahata chakras are blocked enough already without your shame and blame!”

“Whatever, Flower Girl,” Huntara rolled her eyes. Of all the friendships, Perfuma and Huntara’s was the one that perplexed Catra most, but they seemed happy enough with their lighthearted bickering. 

Perfuma gave Catra a small wave. “So glad you could join us! Have you thought about my yoga and meditation offer? I think it would really help you move past the darkness clouding your aura.”

“Uh, maybe later…” Catra offered, already regretting her decision to come to dinner.

The table was set by now, thanks to the tireless efforts of the Dryl crew, who were all sitting down and wiping their brows. Wrongdak had wandered over from his corner and was persuaded, by Glimmer, to pour drinks for everyone. Coming in small groups, the princesses began trickling over to the table and taking their seats. Sea Hawk sat at the very foot of the table, pushed there by an irritated Mermista (who sat at his left, beside Netossa, discussing their favorite weaponry). To his right, sat Frosta and Spinerella, both eagerly exchanging stories and sharing friendship bracelets (at least that’s what Catra assumed, they were both so open and smiling. Disgusting.). Next sat Entrapta, Wrongdak, and Hordak who were still examining and tinkering with bits of metal as Entrapta’s ponytails poked and prodded their smoking device. Busgirl, Baker, and Soda Pop from Dryl, Entrapta’s crew and the ones who set the table, were idly chatting and yawning, clearly hungry and ready to leave back for their home kingdom. Perfuma and Scorpia took their seats across from one another, exchanging shy smiles when they thought no one was looking. To Perfuma’s left, close to the head of the table, sat Bow and Huntara locked in a one-sided arm wrestling match. Across from them were two empty seats, saved for Adora and Catra. Catra hadn’t realized they’d been keeping an empty chair there for her, it sent a quiet joy shooting through her. The head seat of the table was empty, but everyone left it open for Glimmer (who was currently making rounds ladling soup into bowls). Despite rank not mattering (almost everyone was a princess), Glimmer was queen and host, the undisputed holder of the head table. 

“Come on!” Adora bounced eagerly on her feet and pulled the chairs back for Catra and herself. Adora sat down at the chair closet to Glimmer’s, so she, Glimmer, and Bow formed a little triangle. 

_Of course,_ thought Catra sourly. _The Best Friend Squad Trio, at it again._

Catra sat down next to Adora and, with sudden terror, realized Scorpia sat on her other side. Of all the princesses Catra tried to avoid, Scorpia was number one. It wasn’t her fault. In fact, Scorpia was probably the nicest person Catra knew. Too nice, then, to have suffered Catra’s abuse. Because, no matter which way you spun it, Catra had been an abuser. And Catra knew she had been awful, knew she had abused Scorpia until her loyalty cracked. For her own safety, Scorpia had left the Horde. For her own safety, Scorpia had left Catra. 

They’d talked a few times, since then. Scorpia had laughed and had her usual carefree smile. But Catra knew better than anyone that looks could be deceiving. Catra knew that monsters like herself didn’t magically become good overnight. And that’s why Catra avoided Scorpia. Not because Catra was worried Scorpia was mad at her, it was in Scorpia’s nature to blindly forgive. Scorpia didn’t have a single bad bone in her body- or her exoskeleton. Catra avoided Scorpia because all Catra could see was a reflection of who she had been, who she was currently running away from. Every moment with Scorpia brought back the echoing of Catra’s enraged screams, the laughter of hatching new plots, the whispers and confessions the two had shared during dark nights. 

Scorpia hadn’t noticed Catra yet, too absorbed by Perfuma’s serious lecture on why singing to plants helped them grow faster. Scorpia’s head was propped up on one claw, looking at Perfuma as if she was the sun, the moon, and the stars. She had the softest smile on her face, and looked so content. As if Scorpia had everything she had ever wanted. 

Catra felt a small stab of jealousy mixed with overwhelming remorse. Scorpia used to smile at her like that, when the two would be hunched over a map of Etheria together and try to think of ways to outsmart the Rebellion. Catra wanted to apologize, to beg Scorpia’s forgiveness, but she knew she already had it. That was the worst part, after the taunts and tantrums Catra had thrown, Scorpia didn’t hold a grudge. 

Perfuma caught Catra’s eye from across the table and decided to break off her plant Ted Talk in favor of including Catra. “So,” she began, a face of absolute calm importance. “I’m going to ask you something that tells me a lot about you. Ready? Good. What’s your favorite flower?”

Catra was dimly aware of Adora getting up to help Glimmer serve soup, and was powerless to try and stop her. 

Scorpia finally noticed Catra. “Wildcat! I didn’t know you were coming tonight!”

“I, uh, didn’t plan on it,” said Catra, twisting a silver spoon in her hands as her old nickname flooded over her. She added flatly “and I don’t have a favorite flower. There wasn’t that much vegetation in the Horde.”

Perfuma looked thunderstruck, as if the very idea was too much to bear. “Well no wonder your energy is always disturbed! Without the healing presence of nature, how will your body, mind, and spirit stay attuned?”

“Isn’t she something?” asked Scorpia, gazing at Perfuma. “So smart! She knows everything about plants, meditation, and crystals.”

“That’s… great,” Catra agreed halfheartedly. She peered down towards the end of the table, Adora and Glimmer were about halfway done. Catra only needed to stall a little more, and then she could just talk with Adora. 

“Oh, but I’m sure you and Adora are happy too!” Perfuma offered, giving Scorpia a knowing look. “You guys have been together way longer than us.”

“We’re oka- wait, what?” Catra’s voice jerked up an octave. “Adora and I aren’t- it’s none of your- ugh!” Catra buried her face in her hands, wishing she knew how to respond.

“Aren’t you guys dating?” Scorpia asked uncertainly, a flicker of doubt crossing her face. “I kinda thought you had a thing for her since you two danced at Princess Prom.”

“It’s not that simple,” mumbled Catra, staring at the spoon she held. 

Perfuma looked like she regretted saying anything. “I’m sure you guys will work it out, whatever it is. Sometimes it’s best to wait a little bit, to figure out your own problems before creating new ones. Sometimes you have to take care of yourself before you take care of others. Even if you love them.”

“Perfuma… that actually kinda makes sense,” Catra said in amazement, staring at the blonde girl. 

Perfuma opened her mouth to respond, looking slightly offended. “What does tha-”

“Soup timeeeee!” Adora and Glimmer had (finally!) come around with the soup pot. Adora held the massive silver pot while Glimmer picked up Scorpia’s bowl and started scooping up the soup. It was a sunny yellow color and had lots of chopped vegetables in it, just like Adora had described. Catra wrinkled her nose, already wary. Glimmer set Scorpia’s bowl down and started on Perfuma’s.

Perfuma looked hesitant. “Ah, Glimmer, is the soup-”

“Don’t worry!” Glimmer chirped as she handed Perfuma her full bowl. “It’s just veggies, no meat. I had a feeling you would ask. It’s just squash, corn, potatoes, green beans, tomatoes, carrots, and some spices!”

Perfuma looked relieved. “Thank you, for going to all the trouble.”

Catra bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from yelling. She didn’t even know what half the stuff Glimmer listed was, but it sure as hell wasn’t Horde-standard ration bars. Poh-tay-toe? Sounded like a disease!

“And for you, Catra,” said Glimmer as she slid a steaming bowl across the table. Catra watched it land right in front of her. It smelled strange, sort of earthy and fresh. 

“...Thanks…” Catra mumbled and, upon looking up to see Adora’s face, cleared her throat. “Thank you, Glimmer. I’m sure it’s delicious.”

Dipping her spoon into the soup, Catra fiddled around with it for a couple minutes while Adora and Glimmer finished serving everyone and took their seats. Adora squeezed Catra’s shoulder before sliding into her own seat. 

“Haven’t tried it yet? What, would you prefer a mouse?” Adora teased, picking up her own spoon and playfully jabbing at Catra with it.

Catra rolled her eyes, trying to hide her smile. “It was ONE time! Seriously, are you ever going to let that go?”

Adora pretended to consider it, scratching her chin before snickering “nope!”

Catra checked that everyone else was occupied with talking and eating. Once she was sure the coast was clear, she brought her spoon to her mouth and studied it critically. Beside her, Adora was already eating without any second guessing. Catra ate a spoonful of the soup. It was warm and… not as bad as she’d expected. It tasted a little salty, but had a flavor Catra didn't quite know the name of. Kind of spicy, without the dry blandness of Horde food. She took another spoonful.

“So, you’re a fan of it?” smirked Adora, who had already finished her bowl and gotten seconds. Catra had never understood the vacuum known as Adora’s stomach, it was a bottomless pit that had yet to be filled. 

“I guess it’s okay,” Catra said around her spoon self consciously. She was a little embarrassed of how much she liked the soup, and tried to downplay her reactions.

Adora leaned over, away from Catra, and tugged on Glimmer’s sleeve. “Catra says your soup is okay,” Adora informed her. 

Glimmer looked at Catra smugly. “Ha! I knew you’d love it.” Her face softened a little and she added “For real, though. I wanted to cook something… homely, to let you know you’re always welcome. Here, with us, to eat, I mean. And in Bright Moon in general. We all care about you, a lot.”

Even more embarrassed, Catra managed to squeak a small “thank you.” She stared down at her soup, feeling blush creep over her cheeks and up her neck. Catra wasn’t good with emotions, at people being so honest and friendly. It made her feel like she needed to get it right, to not screw it up.

The rest of the dinner went much better than Catra had expected. She found herself having a really good time, having fun for what felt like the first time in months. As the evening wore on, Catra's anxiety eased and she felt her usual guard, the walls she'd built so high and thick over the years, beginning to crack. The highlights of the evening included Adora beating Huntara at poker (much to Catra and Glimmer's delight), Sea Hawk walking right into a door (much to Mermista's delight), Perfuma weaving flower crowns for everyone, and Bow’s one man improv puppet show. Laughing and telling jokes, Catra almost felt like a kid again, carefree and unburdened. Before the war, before being Force Captain, before Adora leaving her. Catra felt _whole._

As the evening turned to night and the stars started to sparkle in the sky, everyone started turning in. Some, like Huntara and Entrapta, were going back to their own kingdoms. Others, like Perfuma and Mermista, were staying in the guest bedchambers. Frosta put up a fight about wanting to leave, but after a conversation with Glimmer, grudgingly decided to stay. (No one wanted the twelve year old hiking back to the Kingdom of Snows alone at night). Eventually, it was only Glimmer, Bow, Adora, and Catra left in the room. They cleaned up, straightening pillows and putting away games, before awkwardly lingering at the door. 

“See you tomorrow?” Glimmer asked, directing the question at Catra.

Feeling happy and full for the first time in ages, Catra arched her back lazily. “Yeah, what time is breakfast?”

“We usually eat around 9,” Bow offered. “You can come with us then?”

Catra nodded, already excited for sleep, and gave a small wave. “See you then!” and ignored everyone's slightly surprised looks at her volunteering to socialize.

The four exchanged their various “goodnights” and broke off into pairs. Glimmer and Bow, leaning against one another, set off for their own rooms further down the halls. Now it was just Catra and Adora. Adora seemed quiet as they walked, and kept her gaze fixed ahead. 

“Are you… okay?” asked Catra, a little worried and feeling sudden guilt. Had she done something wrong?

“Yeah, I just… I haven’t seen you this happy in years,” Adora said. “I didn’t realize how much I missed seeing you like this.”

Normally, Catra would have come up with a heated retort. She would have pointed out that the reason Adora hadn’t seen her was because she’d left, or that it was because Catra had nothing to smile about. But the night air was cool, and Catra was warm. She didn’t want to spoil the moment, and she knew there would be many days ahead where she wasn’t happy. For now, Catra would take these few hours of bliss.

“I missed being like this,” Catra confessed softly, and felt Adora’s hand slide into her own. There was no tension, no competition in the gesture. Just a simple question, really, it was all there had ever been. _Is this okay?_ And it was. So Catra allowed it.

Catra and Adora walked, in silence, footsteps matched. Adora’s hand was warm and familiar, and Catra marveled at how well their fingers fit together. Normally, Catra would have been afraid of her claws scratching Adora by accident, but tonight there was an uncharacteristic stability in Catra. She knew she wouldn't hurt Adora. Because how long had Catra wished for this? The right to simply walk with Adora, without having to try and make guesses or fight. The pair had reached Adora’s door, now, and Catra reluctantly drew her hand away. Adora stood, moonlight streaming in the hallway, and stared at her doorknob. She turned back to Catra, and looked as if she desperately wanted to ask a question. It was the same look she'd had earlier, under the tree, before she'd asked Catra to come to dinner.

“What is it?” asked Catra gently, fidgeting a little. Her worry was starting to trickle back in as the festive mood wore off. Had Catra screwed something up?

Adora’s moonlit hair looked like it was pure white, her eyes reflecting the stars. She almost seemed unearthly, too good for this easily broken world. Catra almost stepped back, slightly intimidated, as if She-Ra was there in Adora's place. Adora was beautiful, of course she was, and Catra never knew how to act around her. Eventually, Adora spoke. “Do you remember when, in the Horde, we’d have ‘sleepovers’ and stay up all night talking?”

Of all the things Catra had expected Adora to say, this was not one of them. “Yeah, that was one of the first times I knew I- I knew I…” she couldn’t finish. Catra had only ever said those three words once, desperately, needing Adora to know them before it was too late. Since then, Catra hadn’t been able to get them out again, too afraid and hurt from the past. Perhaps Perfuma was right, maybe Catra needed to fix her own issues before she could be with Adora. Adora didn’t deserve to be stuck with someone like her, someone with too many healing scars and hidden pain. Catra felt her good mood slipping, and pushed away her doubts. She’d deal with those tomorrow. Tonight, she was going to let herself be happy.

“I was wondering… if you wanted to do that tonight? Just… talk. I’m not ready to say goodnight yet.” Adora said in a whisper, almost afraid of the words. Afraid Catra would say no, or lock herself in her room again for days.

Catra almost felt like crying. Maybe she was wrong, maybe she could be with Adora now. At the very least, she could let Adora see the parts Catra tried to hide. “I’m not ready to say goodnight, either.” Catra agreed, and shyly extended her hand to Adora. Even during times of affection, Catra never made the first move. So this was rare, and Adora knew it. Adora took Catra’s hand, and together they slipped into Adora’s room.


End file.
